tviloveyou BREAKDOWNS ||| RAMBLINGS ||| LOVE LETTERS TO TELEVISION

Through a compulsive binge of rewatching Dawson’s creek because “I’ve only seen every episode once”, I’ve found that while the heart wrenching love triangles may be the juicy draw that the WB advertised, there was a lot of 90’s news stories shoved into the background. 

1. Student-Teacher Affairs. Aired at around the same time that Mary Kay Letourneau was all fucking over the place, the story arch seemed to try to add sweetness to the “hot for teacher vs pedophile” thing. Ms Jacobs sets the tone for Pacey’s future girlfriends, who just want to see him reach his full potential and then get naked. As charming and as persistant as a young Pacey is, Ms Jacobs fucks Pacey up just as much as Jen losing her virginity at 12 years old did. Pacey’s behavior gets worse instead of better. All his girlfriends have spent more time tutoring him than anything else yet he’s still in danger of not graduating high school. Pacey…look at me, it’s not your fault.
2. Right to Die with Dignity. Remember Kevorkian? That compassionate heartthrob we couldnt get enough of, well he probably loved the Creek. Jen’s grandfather was in a coma being kept alive by… nothing. The one time you see Jen’s “gramps” (she was cool, even her grandparents get streetnames) he’s not hooked up to anything, he’s basically just asleep. Either the writers or the prop department decided there was no use doing any form of research. Flash forward a couple seasons and Dawson befriends this old guy (who’s basically Dawson as an old man) and then the old guy goes into a coma (which is more accurately and unattractivly portrayed with tubes and such). Dawson is informed by Tony Hale (Buster with his increasingly obvious coma agenda), that he inadvertantly signed on to be the guy that has to decide if Old Guy should live or die. Dawson obviously has to pray on it with Jen’s grandmother. He finally decides to pull the plug because Andy griffith comes by and that’s every old man’s dream. 
3. The Dangers of Ecstasy. Really the dangers of mixing it with another drug. Andy takes Jen’s ecstacy and has an awesome time except she’s on a shit ton of anti-psycotics and passes out in a bouncy house. THe background to this episode is of course a rave, a 90s staple. But looks like more of an industrial themed Bar Mitzvah, which I guess is what all raves are.  
4. A Woman’s Right to Choose. Gail Leery, Dawson’s mother, former TV journailist, adulteress, and french manicure enthusiast gets knocked up by her hot husband Mitch Leery. Gail thinks she shouldn’t be a mother again, probably because she’ll accidentally gouge the baby’s eye out with those claws. Dawson makes a speech, Gail keeps the baby (creators secretly wait for a spin off in 20 years?). In the same epsiode we find out that Gail is pregnant, we also find out that Joey might be too and that Pacey’s sister was pregnant but had a miscarriage. They danced that dangerous dance with showing a main character getting an abortion but of course chickened out. 
5. Panic Attacks. Dawson starts getting terrible panic attacks after his father dies. Then he gets drunk and comes to a party. People drinking to curb their anxiety!? Heavens no! For some reason this isn’t good, probably because no one on Dawson’s Creek ever gets drunk at the same time so therefore it always looks like the drunkard has a serious drinking problem. 

It may not have been publicized enough you guys, but Mad Men is back. Basically its 1966 and everyone is pretty much exactly where we left them. But 1966 is gonna be such a fun year for the ladies and we got so much foreshadowing going on in the season premiere we should call it fiveshadowing. (Please hold while I pat myself on the back).

Anyway, starting with everyone’s least favorite French Canadian Mary Tyler Moore-Megan.

So basically Megan sang a song to Don, and it was super embarassing. More embarassing than Roger wearing blackface and singing to the secretary he was sleeping with and then married. I’m worried that Mad Men is starting to portray some double standards y’all.

#1 predication for Megan—-accidental death, possibly suicide. 

Clues

1.  She works with her trophy husband every day, at a job she knows she doesn’t deserve and is not even sure she likes. 

2.She’s a crash dieter. Just drinking black coffee for breakfast is clearly a call for help. 

3. She stares longingly off the balcony. 

4. Don couldn’t find her for an awkward 5 seconds right before they had crazy Jesse Spano on caffeine pills sex. 

So Megan dies, adding widower to the martyr bucket Don hangs around his neck.

The opposite of Megan is Peggy. Hardworking Peggy. All Peggy does is work. And she needs everyone to know it. 

So we shouldn’t be surprised if she flocks to any mild distraction

Predictions for Peggy

1. Peggy is gonna take the big jump. This douchenozzle is gonna propose to Ms. Peggy Olson, probably in the office to symbolize how cool he is with a working lady. She can support his writing career but when she offers him a job at the company he scoffs and refuses to sellout. Peggy then takes a look at the men of her past. Maybe Duck will make a comeback? She did cross his name off Megan’s invite list very dramatically, which just means how totally into him she is. Thats love 101. 

2.  This hepcat probably doesnt bother to ask her opinion on kids. He finds out the hardway that they wont be having tiny babies named Kerouac anytime soon.

Then there’s Joan. There isn’t enough to say about Joan. She’s like a sexy rulebook. But who knew she’d be a such a good mother. I was really picturing a Betty Draper redux, but it makes sense since she’s been mothering that whole office for years. She handles her baby’s secret biological father dripping cigarette ashes on him with unadulterated aplomb. 

She doesn’t need a secret cry in the ladies room knowing that her son will be raised by the more convenient option. She needs a secret cry because she’s worried her job wont be where she left it. But dont worry, Lane is there to British it up. 

Predictions for Joan’s future

1. She goes back to work a little too soon and leaks breast milk in front of someone really important. 

2. She brings the baby to work, at first it’s distracting, then she says something like “There are three things I’m good at; one is running this office, two is being a mother and it would be highly inappropriate for me to do the third one here.”

Lets hope that all that Community buzz gives Alison Brie more screen time. Even though the costume department is clearly holding some sort of grudge against her. 

She’s such an under used character. Her main reason for existing is to prove that Pete isn’t terrible. 

Guesses for Trudi’s future

1. She gets super fat.

2. She wants a job.

Bonus Predictions:

Sally gets some sort of female role model in her life. Most likely Megan, who dies tragically leaving her all alone. But with eyes that will melt your soul.  

Betty turns around at some point.