Most Controversial 90s Era Topics Dawson's Creek Covered
Through a compulsive binge of rewatching Dawson’s creek because “I’ve only seen every episode once”, I’ve found that while the heart wrenching love triangles may be the juicy draw that the WB advertised, there was a lot of 90’s news stories shoved into the background.
Student-Teacher Affairs. Aired at around the same time that Mary Kay Letourneau was all fucking over the place, the story arch seemed to try to add sweetness to the “hot for teacher vs pedophile” thing. Ms Jacobs sets the tone for Pacey’s future girlfriends, who just want to see him reach his full potential and then get naked. As charming and as persistant as a young Pacey is, Ms Jacobs fucks Pacey up just as much as Jen losing her virginity at 12 years old did. Pacey’s behavior gets worse instead of better. All his girlfriends have spent more time tutoring him than anything else yet he’s still in danger of not graduating high school. Pacey…look at me, it’s not your fault.
Right to Die with Dignity. Remember Kevorkian? That compassionate heartthrob we couldnt get enough of, well he probably loved the Creek. Jen’s grandfather was in a coma being kept alive by… nothing. The one time you see Jen’s “gramps” (she was cool, even her grandparents get streetnames) he’s not hooked up to anything, he’s basically just asleep. Either the writers or the prop department decided there was no use doing any form of research. Flash forward a couple seasons and Dawson befriends this old guy (who’s basically Dawson as an old man) and then the old guy goes into a coma (which is more accurately and unattractivly portrayed with tubes and such). Dawson is informed by Tony Hale (Buster with his increasinglyobvious coma agenda), that he inadvertantly signed on to be the guy that has to decide if Old Guy should live or die. Dawson obviously has to pray on it with Jen’s grandmother. He finally decides to pull the plug because Andy griffith comes by and that’s every old man’s dream.
The Dangers of Ecstasy. Really the dangers of mixing it with another drug. Andy takes Jen’s ecstacy and has an awesome time except she’s on a shit ton of anti-psycotics and passes out in a bouncy house. THe background to this episode is of course a rave, a 90s staple. But looks like more of an industrial themed Bar Mitzvah, which I guess is what all raves are.
A Woman’s Right to Choose. Gail Leery, Dawson’s mother, former TV journailist, adulteress, and french manicure enthusiast gets knocked up by her hot husband Mitch Leery. Gail thinks she shouldn’t be a mother again, probably because she’ll accidentally gouge the baby’s eye out with those claws. Dawson makes a speech, Gail keeps the baby (creators secretly wait for a spin off in 20 years?). In the same epsiode we find out that Gail is pregnant, we also find out that Joey might be too and that Pacey’s sister was pregnant but had a miscarriage. They danced that dangerous dance with showing a main character getting an abortion but of course chickened out.
Panic Attacks. Dawson starts getting terrible panic attacks after his father dies. Then he gets drunk and comes to a party. People drinking to curb their anxiety!? Heavens no! For some reason this isn’t good, probably because no one on Dawson’s Creek ever gets drunk at the same time so therefore it always looks like the drunkard has a serious drinking problem.
Predictions for the future of the women of Mad Men
It may not have been publicized enough you guys, but Mad Men is back. Basically its 1966 and everyone is pretty much exactly where we left them. But 1966 is gonna be such a fun year for the ladies and we got so much foreshadowing going on in the season premiere we should call it fiveshadowing. (Please hold while I pat myself on the back).
Anyway, starting with everyone’s least favorite French Canadian Mary Tyler Moore-Megan.
So basically Megan sang a song to Don, and it was super embarassing. More embarassing than Roger wearing blackface and singing to the secretary he was sleeping with and then married. I’m worried that Mad Men is starting to portray some double standards y’all.
#1 predication for Megan—-accidental death, possibly suicide.
1. She works with her trophy husband every day, at a job she knows she doesn’t deserve and is not even sure she likes.
2.She’s a crash dieter. Just drinking black coffee for breakfast is clearly a call for help.
3. She stares longingly off the balcony.
4. Don couldn’t find her for an awkward 5 seconds right before they had crazy Jesse Spano on caffeine pills sex.
So Megan dies, adding widower to the martyr bucket Don hangs around his neck.
The opposite of Megan is Peggy. Hardworking Peggy. All Peggy does is work. And she needs everyone to know it.
So we shouldn’t be surprised if she flocks to any mild distraction
Predictions for Peggy
1. Peggy is gonna take the big jump. This douchenozzle is gonna propose to Ms. Peggy Olson, probably in the office to symbolize how cool he is with a working lady. She can support his writing career but when she offers him a job at the company he scoffs and refuses to sellout. Peggy then takes a look at the men of her past. Maybe Duck will make a comeback? She did cross his name off Megan’s invite list very dramatically, which just means how totally into him she is. Thats love 101.
2. This hepcat probably doesnt bother to ask her opinion on kids. He finds out the hardway that they wont be having tiny babies named Kerouac anytime soon.
Then there’s Joan. There isn’t enough to say about Joan. She’s like a sexy rulebook. But who knew she’d be a such a good mother. I was really picturing a Betty Draper redux, but it makes sense since she’s been mothering that whole office for years. She handles her baby’s secret biological father dripping cigarette ashes on him with unadulterated aplomb.
She doesn’t need a secret cry in the ladies room knowing that her son will be raised by the more convenient option. She needs a secret cry because she’s worried her job wont be where she left it. But dont worry, Lane is there to British it up.
Predictions for Joan’s future
1. She goes back to work a little too soon and leaks breast milk in front of someone really important.
2. She brings the baby to work, at first it’s distracting, then she says something like “There are three things I’m good at; one is running this office, two is being a mother and it would be highly inappropriate for me to do the third one here.”
Lets hope that all that Community buzz gives Alison Brie more screen time. Even though the costume department is clearly holding some sort of grudge against her.
She’s such an under used character. Her main reason for existing is to prove that Pete isn’t terrible.
Guesses for Trudi’s future
1. She gets super fat.
2. She wants a job.
Sally gets some sort of female role model in her life. Most likely Megan, who dies tragically leaving her all alone. But with eyes that will melt your soul.
After a while Teen Mom starts to feel like halloween candy; it looks so shiny and awesome but when you spend a day consuming it you realize you’re going to hell. (That’s a totally normal way to look at candy).
If Teen Mom is Candy, then Caged is Pasta Primavera. Not totally healthy but kind of good for you.
If not just for Red :
she’s like if Jessica Biel played Tiny in Streetwise.
And then there’s Daniel :
who’s basically Rocky Rocky.
And it uses some of the dead animal imagery that Louisiana is famous for :
Capeside or Bayside? Dawson's Creek vs Saved by the Bell: Where Are They Now?
Saved by the Bell and Dawson’s Creek were two shows that shaped my adolescence. Zack Morris could freeze time and Dawson Leery could cry on cue. One made being a teenager look super fun, the other made being a teenager look like the hardest thing that a human being will ever have to go through. But who would win in an ultimate Where Are They Now throwdown?
First category, is Best Reunion Photo, because it’s nice to pretend that everyone in an ensemble cast is friends in real life.
The point clearly goes to Saved By The Bell for the spread they did in Teen People. If at any point these 5 people decide to make this picture a TV show, where they all move back home and teach at Bayside, this is how it would obviously go
Zack would teach English
Kelly would be Girl’s volleyball coach/cheerleading coach
AC Slater would be head of the phys. ed. department. (He’d be Kelly’s boss. I smell a love triangle)
What cast member got everyone’s attention and said “Hey Remember me? I’m doing this weird thing now”.
Our clear winner is Mrs. Katie Holmes-Cruise. Katie’s marriage has her in magazines every day, even if its because we’re worried she’s the world’s most famous kidnapping victim of a weird science cult, the gal is American Royalty. Show Girls was made out of disasters, and at least cult cinema classes around the world will be forced to watch it.
Who has maintained career longevity? Who can be recognized for their work outside of their teen specific television series?
Michelle Williams wins by a haircut. Sometimes I don’t even think of her as Jen Lindley, there’s just so much more that she’s done in between. Tiffani Amber Thiessen, you’ll always be Kelly Kapowski to me.
Every once in a while, a brave soul decides to open up the closet and see if that awful button up still fits.
Its a tie!! Honestly, how could it not be. Zack Morris goes on Jimmy Fallon and freezes time. Pacey crashes Comic-Con with some guys he clearly met at the front entrance and plays Paula cole on the boom box. Meanwhile, we gave these guys shit for looking to old to play 17 year olds when their shows were on the air.
A large head is a symbol of virility according to no one.
James Van Der Beek is more virile!!!
Mark Paul and James Van are up against each other again in the super competitive Bad Boy category. Who can forget that awesome surprise spot on Weeds that Gosselaar did? But James Van Der Beek offered to be an asshole so that all men wouldnt be held to an unattainable standard.
Christina Applegate- The Evolution of the Modern Woman/Amy Poehler is awesome
I dont think there’s been a celebrity who I’ve consistently envied/adored more than Christina Applegate. Sure ours is a quiet love, my reaction is generally, “oh good, I’m glad she’s here”. But after watching her for ten minutes, I realize her underappreciated awesomeness. And that she has a really awesome lipstick collection. When we first met Christina she was like a bad ass Kelly Kapowski. All crushed velvet and dark roots.
Then she walks in wearing her mom’s super competent looking black and white eyeball suit and becomes the hub of the communication network. She puts on the best fashion show of all time, and brings the family together. By the way everything I know about petty cash I learned from this movie. Please note the beginning of a theme with Christina Applegate fighting to have it all.
Christina kinda disappeared for a little, but then BAM Samantha Who comes along. I never watched it when it was on. I thought “Oh, Christina, this show looks dumb”. Boy I wish I could eat my words. It’s on reruns on tv guide network and let me just say she is a delight. If you’ve never seen it, Samantha gets amnesia ( I have no idea how, and refuse to research it), she has her moral compass reset and finds out she was really vane and selfish, so she curls her hair and gets really into charity.
And Barry Watson and Melissa McCarthy are there so it was both super topical and before its time. Samantha Who didn’t last, probably because the flashbacks were a little bit more fun than the actual show. Still, you should watch it if you’re free at random intervals throughout the day.
That brings us to Up All Night. Seriously this show could not be better. First of all her name is Reagan. Oh what a fun modern name. She’s married to Will Arnett and her best friend is Maya Rudolph* and she’s an executive producer. Okay so basically it’s a show about Amy Poehler’s life. See diagram and pictorial evidence below.
So in other words Christina Applegate=Amy Poehler=Awesome.
* I do not know if Amy Poehler and Maya Rudolph are officially besties. Its a little up in the air.
Also how often do you get super classy ladies that come after posing for these? These ladies are one in a million.
New Girl, you made me love you- i didn't wanna do it
Dear New Girl,
I thought you were a desperate marketing ploy to my demographic. the female 18-25 year olds that dont find family guy as hilarious their male counterparts. but New Girl you have a sitcom formula that seems to coincide with my affinity for “Understated TV Dramas Featuring a Strong Female Lead” according to my boyfriend’s netflix account.
Its a formula not often used in sitcoms but its a damn good one.
let’s break it down
1. Beautiful but totally relatable lead
Look at Zooey Deschanel’s over eager smile. Look at Claire Danes all serious like. Look at Kirsten Bell’s knowing smirk. They march to the beat of their own drummer. Vintage Green Frocks? Is that a vest thing? Long sleeve shirts under short sleeve shirts? It’s like they dont even know that they’re pretty.
2. A best friend that is completely opposite in every way.
In the Center we have Cece from New Girl. Va va voom! She’s a model! She makes bangs look sexy in a totally different way than Zooey Deschannel. Why is she friends with Jess? Isn’t she the least bit annoyed by her innocent adorkable (that phrase is now owned by Fox) endearing drunkbaby hipster bullshit?
To the left we have Willow Rosenberg, closeted wiccan, openly jewish. What i could say about Willow could fill a book. Look at how opposite of Buffy she is. Redheaded, widows peaked, peter panned collar having, chanukkah celebrator.
Wallace from Veronica Mars, super oppositey!! He’s a HE!! He’s a black he! I think this photo is from early on in the show, and Wallace thought his storyline was gonna get all sorts of fun with Veronica. Clearly she feels the way we all did, which was “who the fuck is this guy?”
and who can forget Rayanne Graff!!! She just wanted Angela to let loose!! All she wanted was for Angela to have some fun!! But really Rayanne was just jealous of Angela’s totally rad and normal family life!!
3. A lovable group of misfits that have your back at every turn
Jess has her super hot craigslist roommies who are willing to wear her super unique hats.
Veronica Mars has a fucking motorcycle gang
Buffy has the scoobies, who are basically the bad news bears, because individually its a rag tag group of whoinvitedthisguy.
4. An ex-boyfriend who incites everything thenceforth
Veronica Mars started with a breakup. Buffy didnt get good till there was a breakup. New Girl is all about the breakup. Jordan Catalano could never commit because his head was super heavy and glued to that wall. Why cant we dare see a woman be happy!!!!?!?!?!?!! oh because its boring.
5. Super awesome/challenging/rewarding job
From Top to bottom: 1. Angsty teenager, Yes Angela will probably make her way to college, major in art history and make her way to some vague media related career, but first she has to survive high school (cue funky 90s beat) 2. Veronica Mars, Private Detective. Wins just for being the coolest sentence 3. Jess the school teacher. As the child of two educators, I can tell you, both my parents are exactly like Zooey Deschannel. 4 Buffy, the Vampire Slayer- kind of a high stakes, low rewards gig but still cool.
There’s nothing quite as lonely as when your favorite tv shows hibernate for three weeks before christmas. I flip through my dvr furiously trying to satisfy my need for fresh entertainment. I consider an episode of a standby show , but i find myself outlining the plot in my head and doing a mini viewing in my head and leave myself feeling disappointed.
Oh but its so different when its a rerun. The rerun is chosen for you. The rerun chose you. You’re not wasting time by watching this episode of New Girl you’ve already seen twice. This is just whats on tv.